Dealing With Conflict

We all deal with conflicts, whether they be personal or work-related. They are sometimes difficult to avoid, & for those situations we’ll look at how we can best deal with them.

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When dealing with conflict, we always have a choice of how to react. Here are some different types of conflict & how we can change the way we react to be more positive & constructive.

MIND READING

This is where we assume we know exactly what the other person is thinking which leads to conflict. The other person may have said something which has upset you, but you may have interpreted it wrongly.

Try to spot when you’re making assumptions - usually there is no evidence to support what you are assuming. We can never know exactly what anyone is thinking, so have a calm discussion with the other person to clarify what they meant. Once you have your answer you can deal with it appropriately.

UNDERSTANDING THEIR PERSPECTIVE

It’s easy to just keep the belief that you are right during an argument. You feel a certain way & it’s the other person’s fault. However, it’s important to try & understand their perspective on the situation. Listen to how they’re presenting their view & clarify any points you’re unsure about. Sit down & have a calm conversation & let them know your perspective. This will lead to a discussion where you can both air your feelings & sort out any misunderstandings.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES

This is where 2 people have differences of opinion which causes conflict. This is all about compromise & finding a happy medium between both of your demands. Examine both of your interests to try & resolve the conflict & move forward. Try & understand each other’s perspective on the situation & look for points of similarity where you can come to an agreement.

CONTINUING NEGATIVITY

This is where you carry negative emotion from a previous situation. This can cause conflict if a similar situation arises in the future & this emotion carries forward. To avoid this you need to recognise that it’s happening & try to park this old emotion. That situation has now passed & this time you can deal with it differently & more positively. If you have already reacted with anger, apologise & explain why you reacted that way then try & move forward.

EXAGGERATION

Exaggerating is where we use phrases like “It’s a catastrophe”, “It’s the worst thing anyone has ever done”. These words can fuel the conflict further as it’s raising the stakes by using such powerful & emotive language. The consequences for this type of conflict can be much higher. Using exaggeration means we want our view to be treated more seriously but it often has the opposite effect as people may see it as you overreacting & may not take you seriously at all.

Resist the temptation to use such powerful language. Focus on what you want the outcome to be, rather than the immediate need or what’s upsetting you. Use facts, less emotional language & assess the situation in a reasonable manner.

ACCUSING

Accusing your partner, colleague, friend is usually designed to get a reaction which is usually negative. The language is usually filled with absolutes, such as “always”, “must”. Accusations can occur when we’re feeling stressed & often has nothing to do with that person. Try & understand how it would make them feel, & instead try & have a conversation with them about how you’re feeling. If you are accusing someone of something then you must be specific, don’t generalise & say they always do something, because in reality it’s probably only sometimes. If you change your tactic & approach them calmly, using facts, & expressing your feelings clearly, you will be able to resolve the conflict more easily.

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Using these techniques will hopefully help you to avoid any unnecessary conflicts, & deal with conflicts that can't be avoided.

Are there any other ways that you avoid conflict? Let us know in the comments.

Thank you for reading!